Dear Mark Zuckerberg: Don’t Fight Elon Musk in the Las Vegas Octagon


Expensive Mark … Are you actually going to struggle a combined martial arts cage match with Elon Musk? It sounds just like the plot of a nasty ’90s cyberpunk novel or an outtake from Idiocracy. I’ve to imagine this can be a large troll by the 2 of you—my bullshit detector is screaming like a banshee. However there are disturbing indications this isn’t a joke.

This week you were training with UFC champions. In accordance with The New York Occasions, you and Musk have been in touch with Dana White, president of the Final Preventing Championship, to arrange the bout, most definitely within the Las Vegas Octagon. “Will probably be the most important struggle within the historical past of fight sports activities,” White mentioned.

If the matchup occurs, it could additionally decrease the bar for what passes as civilization in our society. Simply in case that is actual: I implore you, don’t do that.

I can see that you’ve got turn out to be a health nut, Mark. You latterly aced the Murph challenge, which includes an entire lot of calisthenics and sweating. Instagram posts have appeared with pictures of your swole bod. Final month, you informed your favorite podcast interlocutor, Lex Fridman, that the majority of your coaching goes towards preventing and that you’ve got recruited buddies and Meta colleagues for an off-the-cuff coaching circle, like a middle-aged nerd model of the after-school coaching camp in The Karate Child. Hey, no matter works to alleviate the strain of operating Meta! I perceive.

However this Musk factor isn’t a respectful bout within the grand custom of Zen or Jedi masters. It’s a distempered twist to a failed enterprise relationship turned nasty and private. Keep in mind, Mark, I was there when it began! That was in Nigeria, once you realized that Musk had put your satellite tv for pc on a rocket earlier than the testing was completed, and the whole thing exploded. You have been steamed—and issues haven’t been nice between you since. Extra lately Musk realized you have been planning to launch a competitor to Twitter, which he purchased for $44 billion however has since watched plummet in worth. That’s when Musk issued the cage-match problem, which you rashly, tragically accepted.

You and Elon have indicated that a number of the pay-per-view funds from this battle royale will go to charity. Sorry, you don’t get to sugarcoat this so simply. You and Elon are among the many two richest individuals on this planet. With a swipe of your telephone you possibly can divert a number of billion {dollars} to any humanitarian trigger you select, together with your individual Zuckerberg-Chan Initiative, which seeks to eliminate all disease. Charity is an excellent expression of humanity’s greatest qualities; this battle could be nothing lower than a reversion to the basest impulses of our species.

In any case, depart it to Elon to say out loud the true subtext of this glorified schoolyard scrap. In a tweet this week, he advised that he and it is best to have a “literal dick-measuring contest.” That’s the extent of sophistication this rivalry sits at now. As a substitute of defining yourselves by your historic technological and company achievements, you two are striving to settle disputes like cavemen.

Right here’s what’s much more alarming: Hand-to-hand fight is an concept that’s catching on among the many tremendous wealthy. Throughout this week’s mega-elite mogul-fest in Solar Valley, Marc Andreessen, a longtime member of Meta’s board, reportedly endorsed the Elon-Zuck bout and, according to Puck’s report, went additional, calling for a “return to how people have traditionally defended themselves.” He went on to induce dad and mom to “prepare their kids in martial arts in anticipation of an more and more violent and unsure world.” (All that is type of odd coming from a billionaire. In my remark, the ultra-rich normally journey with non-public safety that dramatically lowers the chances of some tech-hating Bruce Lee wannabe laying on them with fists of fury.)

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